So. I started writing. I got a little over a thousand words in one day (actually two hours or so), but then I got stuck. The first pages of this story came out okay. I don't know that it will set the world on fire, but the idea behind the story (I think) will be something teens will enjoy reading. I am just not sure whether my pacing seems slow, or if I sound too "academic" in my writing. Also, I have several ideas about which direction things could go, but I don't really have an outline.
I wrote those first thousand+ words Friday night, and now it's Monday, and I haven't done anything more with it. I think I'm looking at the mountain, and forgetting that the journey of a thousand miles begins with just a step, followed by another, and then another, and so-forth. I'm even writing about the writing which in itself makes me feel better because I'm writing, but of course it is avoidance writing.
I can put words together, and I can write in an "academic voice" but can I actually write a fictional story that someone will want to read? As I sit here watching the Rays game on television, I think about the fact that I have less than three weeks before I have to go back to work, and then I will have even less time in which to write. We're also in the midst of renovations to the house and "cosmetic repairs" from sinkhole activity. That's going even slower than my writing is. The hubby and I keep discussing our ideas, but I get motivated for a while, and then I complete something, and then we seem to hit a road block that seems to stop work for a few days. We do have a deadline, so we have to get done by then. I just hope I can do both at the same time and work on top of it all. I wonder how many students I'll have this year, because the more students, the more essays to score. We'll see how it goes.
Monday, July 27, 2015
Monday, July 6, 2015
First day, Second Year of Teachers Write
This is a new step in the journey of becoming me. Last year when I joined the Teachers Write summer camp, I mostly "lurked," though I did share a piece of my writing that I had done a few years ago. This year, since I've had this blogger account for a while, I decided to actually start using it to complete the assignments and to get started on some serious writing. With that thought in mind, here is my list of "wonderings" that is the assignment from Kate today.
1. I wonder what it would be like to be an empath like Phoebe in Charmed, or what it would be like to be able to read other people's minds (some of it may be good, but I'm sure some of it could be a real challenge, especially when you don't want others to know you have this power).
2. I wonder where a specific one of my previous 8th grade students has ended up in life. This student had a very unusual experience that I felt compelled to relay to a guidance counselor, and then together we had a conference to let the parents know what was going on with their child. I think it could be the basis for an interesting story, but I would like to know what really happened.
3. I often wonder if any of my HS students have had some of the same experiences as I did in HS. It's such a time of mixed emotions and uncertainty, yet there were other students who, to me at least, seemed to have it all together and weren't afraid of doing whatever they felt like doing.
4. I wonder how people discover what it is that makes them passionate. This one I've been thinking about for quite a while now. Here's what I've hypothesized: when you find your passion in life, you've found what gives you a driving purpose, and the more you are driven by your passion, the more self-assured you are, and your passion, as a result, puts an end to your fears. I think that's what I'm most trying to discover right now...what my passion should be, and how to become driven toward the place where I'm so self-assured that my fears all crumble and fall away.
Monday, July 14, 2014
They Say "Change is Gonna do You Good."
I was just reading over my older posts (not that there are that many), and I can't believe the number of big changes that have come my way in just the last two to three years. I'm sure there are many people who could list major upheavals in their lives as well, but I hate to admit the fact that I seem to be struggling significantly to bounce back from it all.
I've had very close family members and friends who have passed away. I've had three major surgeries (including heart stents and two total-knee replacements). I resigned from the board of directors for the Florida Council of Teachers of English after being the Webmaster for ten years, and I left my middle school teaching position after 15 years to start teaching high school. I've also started teaching night classes at our local state college.
Of all the changes, though, the biggest change has been going from teaching middle school to teaching high school and college. I love the older students, and I am so glad I moved from middle to high school, but it has still been a huge adjustment. I've gone from being a pretty good sized fish in a smallish pond, to being a tiny little minnow in what, at times, feels like a vast ocean.
I do think that not being noticed can be a good thing. It gives me a chance to "breathe" most of the time, and to allow myself to be less than perfect. Other times, I miss being a part of the decision-making team. I also don't like not being taken seriously. I guess it mostly feels like what I have done and been in the past is just that...in the past, and that no one knows me or what I am able to accomplish.
The frustrating part is that I am still that same teacher - the one who loves to be involved and learning new things. Now, instead of having that secure and carved out position where my colleagues respect my accomplishments and know what I can do, I feel like I'm starting on the bottom rung once again.
But do I really want to climb the ladder at all? Is it time for more change and other interests? I'm really uncertain at this point. In the past, whenever I've been at a decision-making crossroads like when I left Pennsylvania to move to Florida, I've had a moment of inspiration that gives me a hint at which path is right for me. Something has sparked my interest, or some opportunity has presented itself. It may take a while, and it may be that I'm supposed to be right where I am for now, learning and growing where I am, but I know that there are more great adventures ahead. I just have to be patient and look for the signs. And when I see them, I'll have to willingly take them wherever they lead.
I've had very close family members and friends who have passed away. I've had three major surgeries (including heart stents and two total-knee replacements). I resigned from the board of directors for the Florida Council of Teachers of English after being the Webmaster for ten years, and I left my middle school teaching position after 15 years to start teaching high school. I've also started teaching night classes at our local state college.
Of all the changes, though, the biggest change has been going from teaching middle school to teaching high school and college. I love the older students, and I am so glad I moved from middle to high school, but it has still been a huge adjustment. I've gone from being a pretty good sized fish in a smallish pond, to being a tiny little minnow in what, at times, feels like a vast ocean.
I do think that not being noticed can be a good thing. It gives me a chance to "breathe" most of the time, and to allow myself to be less than perfect. Other times, I miss being a part of the decision-making team. I also don't like not being taken seriously. I guess it mostly feels like what I have done and been in the past is just that...in the past, and that no one knows me or what I am able to accomplish.
The frustrating part is that I am still that same teacher - the one who loves to be involved and learning new things. Now, instead of having that secure and carved out position where my colleagues respect my accomplishments and know what I can do, I feel like I'm starting on the bottom rung once again.
But do I really want to climb the ladder at all? Is it time for more change and other interests? I'm really uncertain at this point. In the past, whenever I've been at a decision-making crossroads like when I left Pennsylvania to move to Florida, I've had a moment of inspiration that gives me a hint at which path is right for me. Something has sparked my interest, or some opportunity has presented itself. It may take a while, and it may be that I'm supposed to be right where I am for now, learning and growing where I am, but I know that there are more great adventures ahead. I just have to be patient and look for the signs. And when I see them, I'll have to willingly take them wherever they lead.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Being a Strong Person
I've always thought of myself as a strong person. I think, for the most part, I've attempted to live life in a way that shows I am a kind person, that I can "get the job done" when I take on a task, and that I put my own interests on the back burner when it comes to the good of my family or the "group" I am working with. But I've noticed something.
As I walk through isles in grocery stores or in shops, I'm the kind of person who steps out of other folks' way when I am going down the isle. "Okay. So what?" you might ask. Think about it. In this life, there are the people who plow their way through, concerned only for themselves and where they're going, expecting others to get out of their way. And then there are the "others." The people who find themselves trying to get where they want to be, but end up encountering those first-described people (we could call them rude, self-absorbed), and they feel the necessity to get out of their way rather than to stand their ground. I would wager they probably do this out of self-preservation and good manners, but I think there's more to it.
I've seen that there are people in life who have an inordinately strong sense of self. They don't even question the fact that everyone else should just understand that the world was created for them, and that everything is here to revolve around them. To their way of thinking, of course, you should move out of their way! Their life is so important that they don't have a second to step aside for someone else.
Then, there are, at the opposite extreme, the "doormats" of life. These are the people who have had a strong upbringing in customs and traditions that require they be on their best behavior at all times. They would feel guilty if they even presumed to not give way to others. Think of them as a throw-back to the '50s and '60s when TV shows like Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver taught children moral lessons of life, and we all wanted our families to be just like these models of perfection.
I have to confess that I fall more into this second category than the first. I have to ask myself, though, what would be so wrong with living somewhere in the middle of these two extremes? I know, personally, that I need a stronger sense of self...not that the world should revolve around me, but I do know that I am a good person, and that I have much to contribute to those around me. I am more than willing to give credit to people for what they have honestly accomplished, and for what they honestly deserve, but I would like the same credit and recognition afforded to me when I have contributed to life.
I think some of it comes with how one "walks." Someone who plows their way through life leaves a wide wake of personal destruction. A doormat, on the other hand, never seems to really get anywhere. A self-confident person, however, has a calm and confident walk. They get where they are going, but they don't have to plow through without regard for others. It means they will graciously move to one side, even though they know they don't have to do so. They know that they have self-worth, and they also know they don't have to prove it to anyone. It just sort of oozes from them, and you only have to be around them for a short period of time to understand that they are truly quality people.
The Bible says it all so well. "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15 KJV) I am determined today to accept that I am a person of quality, and that I don't have to feel intimidated by anyone. Yet I won't have to go around telling everyone what a great person I am. I just need to accept that I am, and understand that my quiet actions and sincere confidence will speak for itself.
As I walk through isles in grocery stores or in shops, I'm the kind of person who steps out of other folks' way when I am going down the isle. "Okay. So what?" you might ask. Think about it. In this life, there are the people who plow their way through, concerned only for themselves and where they're going, expecting others to get out of their way. And then there are the "others." The people who find themselves trying to get where they want to be, but end up encountering those first-described people (we could call them rude, self-absorbed), and they feel the necessity to get out of their way rather than to stand their ground. I would wager they probably do this out of self-preservation and good manners, but I think there's more to it.
I've seen that there are people in life who have an inordinately strong sense of self. They don't even question the fact that everyone else should just understand that the world was created for them, and that everything is here to revolve around them. To their way of thinking, of course, you should move out of their way! Their life is so important that they don't have a second to step aside for someone else.
Then, there are, at the opposite extreme, the "doormats" of life. These are the people who have had a strong upbringing in customs and traditions that require they be on their best behavior at all times. They would feel guilty if they even presumed to not give way to others. Think of them as a throw-back to the '50s and '60s when TV shows like Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver taught children moral lessons of life, and we all wanted our families to be just like these models of perfection.
I have to confess that I fall more into this second category than the first. I have to ask myself, though, what would be so wrong with living somewhere in the middle of these two extremes? I know, personally, that I need a stronger sense of self...not that the world should revolve around me, but I do know that I am a good person, and that I have much to contribute to those around me. I am more than willing to give credit to people for what they have honestly accomplished, and for what they honestly deserve, but I would like the same credit and recognition afforded to me when I have contributed to life.
I think some of it comes with how one "walks." Someone who plows their way through life leaves a wide wake of personal destruction. A doormat, on the other hand, never seems to really get anywhere. A self-confident person, however, has a calm and confident walk. They get where they are going, but they don't have to plow through without regard for others. It means they will graciously move to one side, even though they know they don't have to do so. They know that they have self-worth, and they also know they don't have to prove it to anyone. It just sort of oozes from them, and you only have to be around them for a short period of time to understand that they are truly quality people.
The Bible says it all so well. "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15 KJV) I am determined today to accept that I am a person of quality, and that I don't have to feel intimidated by anyone. Yet I won't have to go around telling everyone what a great person I am. I just need to accept that I am, and understand that my quiet actions and sincere confidence will speak for itself.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Life gets busy, doesn't it?
I'm sitting here on the last weekday of Christmas Break wondering where the holiday time-off has gone. Yes, I am happy with the amount of projects I've gotten accomplished over the two-week vacation, but there are so many more to accomplish this last weekend.
Thinking about the shortness of time, it seems like only yesterday that I wrote my last blog. That is until I looked at the date I last posted (March!). Yes, life has gotten busy. Now, it's the end of Christmas Vacation.
For me, it seems, this will be a year of changes. I've been contemplating the many different things I would like to do. Right now, I'm just researching and exploring all the interests I have. I have a feeling, though, that it's time for me to climb out of my comfort zone and try something new. (I don't want to spill all the beans just yet, but I already have some things in the works...).
I think the Life 101 lesson (as my friend Nancy calls it) is that when you get set in your ways and in too much of a routine, it's important to do something different. Going through life in a robotic and mechanical way leads to boredom and eventually to depression. Now that I'm thinking of changes and hoping for better things in the future, my feelings of anger and frustration with things as they are seems to be changing. I've found myself smiling and thinking to myself about what I'm planning for the future, and I feel that the current situations don't really affect me as they did. I don't have to be frustrated, afraid, or angry, because I know for certain that much of what upsets me is only temporary and just waiting for the change that is just ahead for me.
So, even though things are busy, and there are quite a few things I have no control over, I believe I can start carving out a path to something new and exciting. I know there will be challenges along the way, but I also know I would rather face those challenges with the hope of new experiences ahead than to feel trapped and chained in a future with no hope.
Thinking about the shortness of time, it seems like only yesterday that I wrote my last blog. That is until I looked at the date I last posted (March!). Yes, life has gotten busy. Now, it's the end of Christmas Vacation.
For me, it seems, this will be a year of changes. I've been contemplating the many different things I would like to do. Right now, I'm just researching and exploring all the interests I have. I have a feeling, though, that it's time for me to climb out of my comfort zone and try something new. (I don't want to spill all the beans just yet, but I already have some things in the works...).
I think the Life 101 lesson (as my friend Nancy calls it) is that when you get set in your ways and in too much of a routine, it's important to do something different. Going through life in a robotic and mechanical way leads to boredom and eventually to depression. Now that I'm thinking of changes and hoping for better things in the future, my feelings of anger and frustration with things as they are seems to be changing. I've found myself smiling and thinking to myself about what I'm planning for the future, and I feel that the current situations don't really affect me as they did. I don't have to be frustrated, afraid, or angry, because I know for certain that much of what upsets me is only temporary and just waiting for the change that is just ahead for me.
So, even though things are busy, and there are quite a few things I have no control over, I believe I can start carving out a path to something new and exciting. I know there will be challenges along the way, but I also know I would rather face those challenges with the hope of new experiences ahead than to feel trapped and chained in a future with no hope.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Why is it?
Why is it that when you are not on vacation, you feel great, but the minute vacation rolls around, you can't get out of bed because you feel so sick? Or why is the weather perfectly wonderful when you have inside things to get accomplished, but the minute you have some free time to enjoy the weather, it turns torrential?
When I was younger, I used to believe I lived a charmed life. Nothing ever seemed to be difficult to accomplish, and somehow everything just worked out. Now that I'm older, everything seems way too complicated. Something that should be simple to work out becomes a major struggle to finalize, and there always seems to be someone with some ulterior motive standing in the way.
I do know one thing. Even though my resistance to this flu-like feeling is rather low, this isn't the time to give in to feelings of defeat and surrender. I am determined to stand strong and continue. I refuse to allow anyone, including legislators, to get the best of me and, like Dylan Thomas, I urge myself and others, saying, "Do not go gentle into that good night..."
When I was younger, I used to believe I lived a charmed life. Nothing ever seemed to be difficult to accomplish, and somehow everything just worked out. Now that I'm older, everything seems way too complicated. Something that should be simple to work out becomes a major struggle to finalize, and there always seems to be someone with some ulterior motive standing in the way.
I do know one thing. Even though my resistance to this flu-like feeling is rather low, this isn't the time to give in to feelings of defeat and surrender. I am determined to stand strong and continue. I refuse to allow anyone, including legislators, to get the best of me and, like Dylan Thomas, I urge myself and others, saying, "Do not go gentle into that good night..."
Monday, March 14, 2011
The First of Many More Blogs to Come
I've always thought that one day I would be a writer. Don't get me wrong, I've had a few things published, but they aren't the sort of things that would make one a household name as far as authors go. At this point, though, it's time I got off my seat of "wishing-it-were-so," and started doing something about it. So, this blog is my beginning - the first step in my journey. Hopefully, I'll learn along the way, and share my insights as I go. It's really true, you know, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.
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