Some inspiration for the classroom. This is how my day went yesterday (11/18/21).

 Hope in the Time of Covid

As a teacher, I’ve been having some unsettling issues with some of my students lately. I can see the apathy and un-engaged attitudes, and it got me thinking about my own attitude and my own struggle to “keep it together,” and I decided something needed to change.

So, yesterday’s bell-ringer activity was for students to list 5 things that come to mind when they think of the word, “THANKFULNESS.” When it came time to talk about their responses, I let them know that I purposely had not used Thanksgiving, because I wasn’t looking for answers like turkey, and mashed potatoes, or other things like that, but to think about what it means to be thankful. A few students responded with words like gratefulness, and kindness, and other words you might think of, and then I told them my own little story.

I had been listening to the radio the day after Halloween, and two of my favorite stations were playing nothing but Christmas music. Already. One day after Halloween. It made me angry and I screamed in the car, “REALLY??? It isn’t even Thanksgiving yet!” Then, a couple weekends later, there wasn’t anything good on TV, so I switched to my “Hallmark Movies” channel where one of my favorite writers’ Christmas series of movies was on featuring Mrs. Miracle movies. I was, however, disappointed because I preferred a different actor in the lead role (the same woman who plays Ray Romano’s mother in Everyone Loves Raymond), but I decided to give the movie a chance anyway.

I was really ready to not like this movie. As I was watching, though, I found myself getting caught up in the story, and starting to root for Mrs. Miracle, hoping that the family facing problems would begin to start working things out. And then it dawned on me. I wanted the story to have that traditional happy ending where everything works out, because I wanted to have HOPE for a better future for them. As I thought about it, I realized that since the Pandemic started, I had lost my joy and my hope that the future could be better, and that there could be happiness once again in the world.

Then I told my students that I remembered the title of a book that I had read way back in the 1980s called, “Happiness is a Choice.” That’s what I’ve been missing. That’s why the holidays are so important to me this year. I need something to reignite the feeling of hope, and joy, and love, and the belief that things can be better, and that we don’t have to stay in a world of anger and hatred. But it has to start with me, and with each and every one of us believing that hope and joy are important, and that we can, indeed, be happy once again.

Now that doesn’t mean, I told them, that every day and every moment will be brilliant, and that we won’t occasionally have horrendous things happen, but it’s a starting place – a place to begin, once again, to believe that HOPE and JOY are possible.

At the end of one of my tougher classes, the most incredible thing happened. A student who has been struggling with massive amounts of just plain tragic events in their life and who has been being very vocally angry in class to the point of disruptive behavior asked for their make-up work and apologized for recent classroom outbursts. I wanted to cry.

The conversation continued, and this student seemed genuinely, sincerely changed. I think the change for them had started before they had even come in the door, and I don’t know that anything I said had anything to do with this change, but it could be that the atmosphere of the class was different. My heart was so filled with hope for them and their new attitude, and I hope it is the new beginning they are looking for. It’s a start, anyway. I will just keep hoping, trying to make positive choices for more happiness and joy in every way I can.

Written in Facebook on 4/19/20

I remember driving to work on March 13th. It was a teacher work day for the end of the 3rd quarter and the beginning of Spring Break. I pulled into Dunkin' Donuts for my coffee, and on the radio, the announcer said that there would be a 6:30 a.m. press conference with the Superintendent of Schools for Hillsborough County. I don't live in that county, but I was wondering what in the world would necessitate a press conference that early in the morning.
Since it was just about that time, I parked the car in the shopping center parking lot and waited to hear what it was going to be about. I had already started to hear rumors about this sickness, but it didn't seem real yet. When the press conference started, the Superintendent announced that one of their middle schools was to be closed as they had had a staff member who had been identified as having COVID-19. When I arrived at work, we were asked to finish up what we needed to do and not to linger, and that the custodial staff was going to be cleaning down the classrooms. Even then, it didn't really seem real. The rest, as they say, is history.

Here we are, more than a month later, and school as we know it has changed. Life as we know it has changed. The transition to online learning was amazing, and it was accomplished very quickly. I think our leaders in my district and the staff and teachers have taken a very rough situation and are making it work. Is it perfect? No. No one would ever say that. But it is certainly exceeding expectations with all of the roadblocks and obstacles that have presented themselves.

These are historic times. We are living through something that will surely be added to the next editions of our US History textbooks and courses. There will be heroes mentioned, especially our medical people and all the self-less first responders, and there will surely be those whom history will criticize as not having done things the ideal way. Lord knows there will probably be stories of Spring Breakers and stories of beaches opened too early.

But I hope the history books will include the stories of caring, of kindness, of perseverance, and of the truly strong people who are bringing us through all of this. And, of course, I hope there are stories of how teachers haven't given up on their calling to be educators, and the need to be strong for our students. Students: we miss you guys, and we hope to see you after all of this is over, being stronger for this life-altering time, and being a force for change in the future, because one day, you will be the leaders of this world on whom we will all rely, and we know you, and we know you will be ready for that, the biggest challenge of them all. Making the world a better, safer place for us all.

A Mothers' Day Tribute to My Mom's Pumpkin Pie

If you've ever been a student in my class in the last few years, you may know a little about this story. 

Sometimes, when you are going through life, the little things are what catch your attention. I remember when my parents were packing up their Florida apartment, getting ready to move back to Pennsylvania due to my mom's declining health. My dad didn't seem to get it - that mom was sitting there watching us decide what to keep, what to give away, and so forth. He came across a small little fishing pole that she had always used when they went fishing, and said that it could be gotten rid of. 

In a small, quiet voice, I heard my mother say, "I guess I'll never get to go fishing again." It both broke my heart and made me irritated that my dad couldn't understand what was going through my mother's mind. She always pretended nothing was wrong, but this was probably her first verbal acknowledgement that something was indeed very wrong with her. At that moment, I told my dad, "Pack some suitcases and get ready to drive to Pennsylvania. I'll take care of finishing everything else and getting it up to you." 

It was the week of Thanksgiving break, and it took about two more days to finish up once the two of them had gone. I was finishing up late Wednesday evening and called my husband. As we were talking by phone, it dawned on me I hadn't even gotten a turkey for our Thanksgiving dinner. When I finally got home, we made a quick trip to the store to purchase what we needed. Stu had gone off to get something at the back of the store, and I was up at the front by the deli/bakery. 

All of a sudden, I saw the largest display of pumpkin pies and I just froze. I must have looked noticeably shaken because an elderly woman who happened to be beside me at the time turned to me and asked if I was okay. I started to sob uncontrollably, and said, "I just realized that I will never have my mother's pumpkin pie again." 

The reality of the entire situation had finally hit me. The last few months she was alive and living in Florida, I had made it a point to call her every evening to make sure she was okay. She had had a couple of falls, and because I lived an hour away, I couldn't rush down to help. This was my attempt to reassure myself that she was still there, still alive, and that everything was still okay. 

Now, when I teach students about exploding a moment, this is one I use as an example. I can never get through it without getting emotional, but it helps them see how one moment can last a lifetime. I know this one will always last for me. Love you, mom! Happy Mothers' Day.

After 19 Years, I finally had a resolution

Posted in Facebook on March 3, 2016

The very first year I taught in public school, I had a student who was an extremely troubled young person who would do anything she could to cause a disruption. I finally had to write a discipline referral for her because she just would not behave. She ended up getting an out-of-school suspension, and while they were escorting her to the bus at the end of the day, I can remember her passing my classroom door yelling, "I hate you Mrs. Gabbard!" I was extremely upset about the whole thing, and I had always dreaded the possibility of running into this student outside of class, not knowing what she might be capable of where there were no other authority figures to keep her in line. Well that was 19 years ago now. Tonight, I ended up going to my night class early. I don't know why, but I was about an hour earlier than normal. I had everything ready for class, and my students were going to be taking a test. Being bored, I decided to go to the student services building to get some coffee. I realized I only had a $20 bill that wouldn't work in the coffee machine, so I went into the bookstore and wandered around a little to try to kill some time. Up by the cashier was a young lady trying to rent the textbook for Comp I, and she was talking about whether she actually needed the class as she had passed the PERT with a really high score. Since I teach Comp I, I told her that she probably did need the class, but that her scores were very high and that she should do well. All of a sudden this young woman said to me, "Hello, Mrs. Gabbard!" I didn't recognize her, but she told me her name and that she had been in my class in middle school, and that she was very good in English because of having had me for a teacher. I was delighted that she remembered me, and that she felt this way, but I still didn't remember who she was. As I was walking towards the door to go on to my class, it finally dawned on me who she was. I whirled around and said, "Is your step-father a doctor?" She nodded, and then I said Oh, My God. I know who you are. I told her and the cashier how I had always dreaded the possibility of seeing her in public fearing that she would decide to scream at me or something. She apologized profusely for how she had behaved in my class, and said that growing up, she didn't have the best family situation, and that she was very confused as a teenager. She had finally left home at 17, getting her dad to sign papers for her so she could join the military. She had spent 4 years in the military, and now she is married and has children of her own. She works as a welder, of all things, and was going back to school to become a psychologist so she can help people who have the same kinds of issues she had as a teenager. She could tell how seeing her had affected me, and she gave me a huge hug, and she repeated how she was good in English from being in my class, and that she was sorry she had given me such a hard time. By the time we were finished talking, the cashier who had been listening to our conversation was practically in tears from our story. I have to say that it had always disheartened me that I seemingly couldn't reach this student, but now, more than 19 years later, I feel so blessed to have run into her. She is happy, healthy, and filled with hope for her future. It really felt great to know that, even though it took so long to see it, I really did make a difference for her.

How Can You Mend a Broken Heart?

I don't know whether I can actually write this blog today.  I think I need to, but as I begin, I can already feel my eyes swelling up, my stomach tying in knots, and I get the sickening the feeling that I have so many emotions ready to explode and gush out onto the page that my writing will suck and won't be anything more than just an opportunity to get it all out there.

I was always told that saying the most in the least amount of words is good writing, and that poetry is (what did Wordsworth say?) "the spontaneous overflow of powerful feelings: it takes its origin from emotion recollected in tranquility." So. I guess this won't be very good writing today, and it certainly won't be poetic.

I've lost my husband. My heart is breaking. I don't know who to talk to...who to confide in, and I feel so many different emotions that seem to go silent for a while and then hit me all of a sudden when I'm not really doing anything that feels like it would or could be a trigger. How do people go on through this and survive to the other side? Is there "another side" to this whole roller coaster of emotions?

Worst of all, it is summer time. Stuart used to say that I was at my worst during vacation times because it gave me too much time to sit around and think.  He was right, and summer is such a long vacation break.  I have lots to do, and lots of time to do it, but so much of it can be so painful that I am avoiding it all. I keep telling myself if I get one or two "things" accomplished in a day toward putting all this financial and paperwork nightmare behind me, the day was successful.

It's really hard, you know. Going places we used to go together, and there really aren't that many places we didn't go to together. I could go to some of those places, but I'll see people or things that I know will remind me. I can already feel how bad a day this is starting out to be, but I can't keep letting it spiral downward. I have to bounce back and think of things to do to keep me pushing on.

I know I am going to learn something from this.  Maybe just how fragile life is, and how losing someone is probably the worst feeling in the world.  I can understand, now, how people can become hoarders or depressed in these kinds of situations.  Losing someone you have loved so deeply leaves a huge hole in your heart and in your life. But there are still others around to whom I mean something, so there is that.

I'm not sure how to close this one out.  I don't really have the wisdom yet, but I'm going to come out on the other side.  It will just take time.  Just keep me in your thoughts and prayers.

The Aubrey Girls of Liberty High

     Two teenage sisters in one house bring lots of drama.  Three is almost unbearable, but four sisters? And all of them in high school at one time? The drama never ends.  Natalie, Karen, Tori, and Frannie. The Aubrey girls of Liberty High.
     Natalie was the oldest of the four.  There had been an older brother, but he died shortly after his birth. So soon afterward, Natalie was told, that there hadn't been any chance to name him, and on his birth and death certificitate, his name simply read, "Aubrey, male infant."  Nat had always wished he had lived so that she could have had an older brother, and that she would not have had to be the "oldest."
     Being the oldest was never easy.  Especially with three younger sisters who had a habit of trying to get around the rules her mother and father had set down for the four Aubrey girls. Natalie would just as soon sneak off somewhere with a good book to read, but it was usually her responsibility to keep track of her younger sister Frannie.
    There was four years difference in their ages, but Frannie was considered the baby, and she was always completely the center of attention anywhere they went.  It didn't help that she had bright blue eyes, golden Shirley-Temple curls, and a cute little button nose.  Nat hated having to drag her along when she went anywhere, especially if a cute boy she liked would be there.  Frannie always seemed to steal the show.

Because I need to say my piece

          I know that I am a highly effective teacher in the classroom, and that I am, indeed, a dedicated and caring teacher with loads to pour into the lives of my students, and that no matter what else others may think or feel or believe about my abilities, or supposed lack thereof, it really shouldn't matter to me because I make a difference in the lives of my students.  Period.  I really, really, really want to stand by that feeling and forget about anything else.
          But those nice things like pay raises and bonus money that are dangled in front of teachers' faces frustrate me, (especially since National Board Certification Bonus money was done away with in our state - the reason I thought I could afford my $1100 monthly mortgage payments, BTW).  I think about all the reasons I really do qualify for the new bonus that has been created and will likely become law, and I feel that perhaps I should start to look outside the teaching profession to regain some self-esteem. (I recently saw an advertisement for someone to work in a rent-a-car office, and the starting pay was over $10,000 MORE a year than I make now as a teacher with 18+ years of experience and a Master's degree.

          Consider my reasons and some of my accomplishments:

• having my master's degree 
• being a National Board Certified teacher
• teaching in my district and the public school system for 18+ years
• teaching over 9 semesters at the local state college level
• serving on multiple state-level committees for standardized testing
• working as an item creator for the Florida State Teachers' Certification exam
• creating items for the state's multiple-choice component of the previous writing test
• being a member of the Board of Directors for my state-level professional-development organization for more than ten years
• volunteering to do things above and beyond what I am required by contract to do 

These things and more that I do should demonstrate that I am not simply there to collect the paycheck, and that I do whatever it takes to stay current in my field in order for my students to be successful.  But then when I think about it, it really ticks me off that all of these things including the 18+ years I've spent teaching in my district, and the 18+ excellent evaluations I've had along the way don't seem to matter.
          And wouldn't you think that an exemplary school such as mine should be filled with exemplary teachers...not teachers who are made to feel unappreciated for the all those extra things they do? Wouldn't an administrator who is proud of the level of hard work the schools' teachers put in everyday feel that the school has the best teachers in the district, and that they should be recognized for this? You would think so, right?  
          So why would someone brag that there are going to be very few "highly effective" teachers at the school this year (a school that is only one point away from an "A," I'm told), and that even teachers who have consistently demonstrated proven student success are now rated as "needs improvement" for things that just don't make sense.  For instance, imagine a group of students in a class discussion who are excited and engaged; these students were permitted to participate in an authentic discussion that was completely on topic and that completely answered the Essential Question of the day, but that they sometimes spoke over each other because they were so passionate about the discussion.  Apparently, this faux-pas overshadowed the realness of their genuine engagement.
          Yes, they should have been more patient and polite, and yes, they should have waited their turn to speak, but when teenagers get excited about something, it's just crazy to put a damper on that. It was such an awesome discussion, and I wouldn't change one single second of what happened.  You know, I have seen adults who don't wait their turn to speak when they are passionate about what they have to say.  Even when those adults have very LITTLE to say, they often demand to say it right away, even though someone else is still talking.
          Well. Okay. There isn't really anything else to say.  So. My rant is over for the moment, and I will go on doing what I do because I love teaching, and I know I have the most personally rewarding job in the world. Every time a student lets me know that they trust me by sharing what is going on in their world, or when they tell me that they have learned something they didn't know before, I feel successful and highly effective.  No one can take that away from me.  No. One. I will continue to do what I know is best for my students, regardless of the effect on my own paycheck. The paycheck is not the point.  The genuine learning of my students IS the point.  There are so many more things that could be added to this rant, but I will leave it at this: Facebook gave me my Bible verse for the year, and it really is very appropriate: II Timothy 1:7 [KJV] "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." Thanks, Facebook.  I'll take it. Amen!

This is the first page.  Joe is an 8th grader in this.  I like this as the beginning, but in many respects the voice sounds too "academic" and I think it needs to be less formal, although the conversation here takes place with his English teacher...

Working Title – The Shadow People

             “Joe! Sit up!  What time did you get to sleep last night?” the teacher scolded.  Joe struggled to straighten up, nearly sliding out of his chair. The dark circles under his eyes and his disheveled hair were signs that it had once again been a late night for him, and it was hard for him to pay attention in class when he was this tired. “Please see me after class.”

            When the bell rang about twenty minutes later, Joe was still groggy.  He wandered up to Mrs. ___’s desk, sure he was about to get a lecture about how important getting a good night’s sleep was.  He really didn’t want to be bothered, and the last thing he needed was another lecture, but he knew it would be worse for him and that he would get in more trouble if he tried to ignore her. 

            “You wanted to see me?”

            “Joe, what’s going on with you lately?  You’re falling asleep and your grades are starting to slip.  I’m really getting worried.  Is there something going on that I can help you with?  Is there anything you need to talk about?  You’re usually such a good student, and I hate to see you in this condition.  What’s going on?”

            “I’m okay, Mrs. _____.  I guess I’ve just been playing too many video games lately, and sometimes the time just slips away from me.  I just got the newest Night Stalker game last weekend, and it’s really intense. Before I knew it last night, it was four o’clock, and then I tried to get to sleep, but I couldn’t get the game out of my mind. Just please, don’t call my mom.  I promise it won’t happen again.”

Yes, I'm full of excuses...

     So.  I started writing.  I got a little over a thousand words in one day (actually two hours or so), but then I got stuck.  The first pages of this story came out okay.  I don't know that it will set the world on fire, but the idea behind the story (I think) will be something teens will enjoy reading.  I am just not sure whether my pacing seems slow, or if I sound too "academic" in my writing.  Also, I have several ideas about which direction things could go, but I don't really have an outline.
     I wrote those first thousand+ words Friday night, and now it's Monday, and I haven't done anything more with it.  I think I'm looking at the mountain, and forgetting that the journey of a thousand miles begins with just a step, followed by another, and then another, and so-forth.  I'm even writing about the writing which in itself makes me feel better because I'm writing, but of course it is avoidance writing.
     I can put words together, and I can write in an "academic voice" but can I actually write a fictional story that someone will want to read?  As I sit here watching the Rays game on television, I think about the fact that I have less than three weeks before I have to go back to work, and then I will have even less time in which to write.  We're also in the midst of renovations to the house and "cosmetic repairs" from sinkhole activity.  That's going even slower than my writing is.  The hubby and I keep discussing our ideas, but I get motivated for a while, and then I complete something, and then we seem to hit a road block that seems to stop work for a few days.  We do have a deadline, so we have to get done by then.  I just hope I can do both at the same time and work on top of it all.  I wonder how many students I'll have this year, because the more students, the more essays to score.  We'll see how it goes.

First day, Second Year of Teachers Write

This is a new step in the journey of becoming me.  Last year when I joined the Teachers Write summer camp, I mostly "lurked," though I did share a piece of my writing that I had done a few years ago.  This year, since I've had this blogger account for a while, I decided to actually start using it to complete the assignments and to get started on some serious writing.  With that thought in mind, here is my list of "wonderings" that is the assignment from Kate today.

1. I wonder what it would be like to be an empath like Phoebe in Charmed, or what it would be like to be able to read other people's minds (some of it may be good, but I'm sure some of it could be a real challenge, especially when you don't want others to know you have this power).

2. I wonder where a specific one of my previous 8th grade students has ended up in life.  This student had a very unusual experience that I felt compelled to relay to a guidance counselor, and then together we had a conference to let the parents know what was going on with their child.  I think it could be the basis for an interesting story, but I would like to know what really happened.

3. I often wonder if any of my HS students have had some of the same experiences as I did in HS.  It's such a time of mixed emotions and uncertainty, yet there were other students who, to me at least, seemed to have it all together and weren't afraid of doing whatever they felt like doing.  

4. I wonder how people discover what it is that makes them passionate.  This one I've been thinking about for quite a while now.  Here's what I've hypothesized: when you find your passion in life, you've found what gives you a driving purpose, and the more you are driven by your passion, the more self-assured you are, and your passion, as a result, puts an end to your fears.  I think that's what I'm most trying to discover right now...what my passion should be, and how to become driven toward the place where I'm so self-assured that my fears all crumble and fall away.

They Say "Change is Gonna do You Good."

I was just reading over my older posts (not that there are that many), and I can't believe the number of big changes that have come my way in just the last two to three years.  I'm sure there are many people who could list major upheavals in their lives as well, but I hate to admit the fact that I seem to be struggling significantly to bounce back from it all.

I've had very close family members and friends who have passed away.  I've had three major surgeries (including heart stents and two total-knee replacements).  I resigned from the board of directors for the Florida Council of Teachers of English after being the Webmaster for ten years, and I left my middle school teaching position after 15 years to start teaching high school. I've also started teaching night classes at our local state college.

Of all the changes, though, the biggest change has been going from teaching middle school to teaching high school and college.  I love the older students, and I am so glad I moved from middle to high school, but it has still been a huge adjustment.  I've gone from being a pretty good sized fish in a smallish pond, to being a tiny little minnow in what, at times, feels like a vast ocean.

I do think that not being noticed can be a good thing.  It gives me a chance to "breathe" most of the time, and to allow myself to be less than perfect.  Other times, I miss being a part of the decision-making team.  I also don't like not being taken seriously.  I guess it mostly feels like what I have done and been in the past is just that...in the past, and that no one knows me or what I am able to accomplish.

The frustrating part is that I am still that same teacher - the one who loves to be involved and learning new things.  Now, instead of having that secure and carved out position where my colleagues respect my accomplishments and know what I can do, I feel like I'm starting on the bottom rung once again.

But do I really want to climb the ladder at all?  Is it time for more change and other interests?  I'm really uncertain at this point.  In the past, whenever I've been at a decision-making crossroads like when I left Pennsylvania to move to Florida, I've had a moment of inspiration that gives me a hint at which path is right for me.  Something has sparked my interest, or some opportunity has presented itself.  It may take a while, and it may be that I'm supposed to be right where I am for now, learning and growing where I am, but I know that there are more great adventures ahead.  I just have to be patient and look for the signs.  And when I see them, I'll have to willingly take them wherever they lead.

Being a Strong Person

I've always thought of myself as a strong person.  I think, for the most part, I've attempted to live life in a way that shows I am a kind person, that I can "get the job done" when I take on a task, and that I put my own interests on the back burner when it comes to the good of my family or the "group" I am working with.  But I've noticed something.

As I walk through isles in grocery stores or in shops, I'm the kind of person who steps out of other folks' way when I am going down the isle.  "Okay.  So what?" you might ask.  Think about it.  In this life, there are the people who plow their way through, concerned only for themselves and where they're going, expecting others to get out of their way.  And then there are the "others."  The people who find themselves trying to get where they want to be, but end up encountering those first-described people (we could call them rude, self-absorbed), and they feel the necessity to get out of their way rather than to stand their ground.  I would wager they probably do this out of self-preservation and good manners, but I think there's more to it. 

I've seen that there are people in life who have an inordinately strong sense of self.  They don't even question the fact that everyone else should just understand that the world was created for them, and that everything is here to revolve around them.  To their way of thinking, of course, you should move out of their way!  Their life is so important that they don't have a second to step aside for someone else.

Then, there are, at the opposite extreme, the "doormats" of life.  These are the people who have had a strong upbringing in customs and traditions that require they be on their best behavior at all times.  They would feel guilty if they even presumed to not give way to others.  Think of them as a throw-back to the '50s and '60s when TV shows like Father Knows Best and Leave it to Beaver taught children moral lessons of life, and we all wanted our families to be just like these models of perfection. 

I have to confess that I fall more into this second category than the first.  I have to ask myself, though, what would be so wrong with living somewhere in the middle of these two extremes?  I know, personally, that I need a stronger sense of self...not that the world should revolve around me, but I do know that I am a good person, and that I have much to contribute to those around me.  I am more than willing to give credit to people for what they have honestly accomplished, and for what they honestly deserve, but I would like the same credit and recognition afforded to me when I have contributed to life. 

I think some of it comes with how one "walks."  Someone who plows their way through life leaves a wide wake of personal destruction.  A doormat, on the other hand, never seems to really get anywhere.  A self-confident person, however, has a calm and confident walk.  They get where they are going, but they don't have to plow through without regard for others.  It means they will graciously move to one side, even though they know they don't have to do so.   They know that they have self-worth, and they also know they don't have to prove it to anyone.  It just sort of oozes from them, and you only have to be around them for a short period of time to understand that they are truly quality people.

The Bible says it all so well.  "In quietness and confidence shall be your strength." (Isaiah 30:15 KJV)  I am determined today to accept that I am a person of quality, and that I don't have to feel intimidated by anyone.  Yet I won't have to go around telling everyone what a great person I am.  I just need to accept that I am, and understand that my quiet actions and sincere confidence will speak for itself.

Life gets busy, doesn't it?

I'm sitting here on the last weekday of Christmas Break wondering where the holiday time-off has gone.  Yes, I am happy with the amount of projects I've gotten accomplished over the two-week vacation, but there are so many more to accomplish this last weekend. 

Thinking about the shortness of time, it seems like only yesterday that I wrote my last blog.  That is until I looked at the date I last posted (March!).  Yes, life has gotten busy.  Now, it's the end of Christmas Vacation.

For me, it seems, this will be a year of changes.  I've been contemplating the many different things I would like to do.  Right now, I'm just researching and exploring all the interests I have.  I have a feeling, though, that it's time for me to climb out of my comfort zone and try something new.  (I don't want to spill all the beans just yet, but I already have some things in the works...).

I think the Life 101 lesson (as my friend Nancy calls it) is that when you get set in your ways and in too much of a routine, it's important to do something different.  Going through life in a robotic and mechanical way leads to boredom and eventually to depression.  Now that I'm thinking of changes and hoping for better things in the future, my feelings of anger and frustration with things as they are seems to be changing.  I've found myself smiling and thinking to myself about what I'm planning for the future, and I feel that the current situations don't really affect me as they did.  I don't have to be frustrated, afraid, or angry, because I know for certain that much of what upsets me is only temporary and just waiting for the change that is just ahead for me.

So, even though things are busy, and there are quite a few things I have no control over, I believe I can start carving out a path to something new and exciting.  I know there will be challenges along the way, but I also know I would rather face those challenges with the hope of new experiences ahead than to feel trapped and chained in a future with no hope.

Why is it?

Why is it that when you are not on vacation, you feel great, but the minute vacation rolls around, you can't get out of bed because you feel so sick?  Or why is the weather perfectly wonderful when you have inside things to get accomplished, but the minute you have some free time to enjoy the weather, it turns torrential? 

When I was younger, I used to believe I lived a charmed life.  Nothing ever seemed to be difficult to accomplish, and somehow everything just worked out.  Now that I'm older, everything seems way too complicated.  Something that should be simple to work out becomes a major struggle to finalize, and there always seems to be someone with some ulterior motive standing in the way.

I do know one thing.   Even though my resistance to this flu-like feeling is rather low, this isn't the time to give in to feelings of defeat and surrender.  I am determined to stand strong and continue.  I refuse to allow anyone, including legislators, to get the best of me and, like Dylan Thomas, I urge myself and others, saying, "Do not go gentle into that good night..."

The First of Many More Blogs to Come

I've always thought that one day I would be a writer.  Don't get me wrong, I've had a few things published, but they aren't the sort of things that would make one a household name as far as authors go.  At this point, though, it's time I got off my seat of "wishing-it-were-so," and started doing something about it.  So, this blog is my beginning - the first step in my journey.  Hopefully, I'll learn along the way, and share my insights as I go.  It's really true, you know, the journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.